Secrets - safe or unsafe

Working with children in my professional role, 'secrets' crop up from time to time.
Many children, especially by the time they start school, seem to understand about 'secrets' ... and 'keeping secrets'..... and even 'sharing secrets'.

When children say they want to tell me something but they are not allowed to tell, I usually get my Early Warning Signs and I also know that whatever happens next could be really big in terms of the 'secret' and decisions to be made if/when the child chooses to share. Depending on the child and the context, I sometimes choose at this point to gently move away from the 'secret' they might be harbouring for a moment, and introduce the idea of Safe Secrets/Unsafe Secrets. This is about secrets that we feel safe with, like perhaps what we're giving Nanny for her birthday. And secrets which we feel worried about, frightened about, or have our Early Warning Signs about keeping. Sometimes the secret is then shared, sometimes not. Sometimes the child then makes a disclosure.

I think it is so important that children can differentiate for themselves between secrets which feel safe to keep and secrets which may feel unsafe, scary and isolating. If children can use their EWS as key criteria to 'sort' secrets for themselves into the two simple categories - 'Feels safe'/'Feels unsafe', they can then be reminded of Themes 1 & 2, and the fact that if a secret 'feels' unsafe, it is probably important to get help with it from someone on their network as soon as possible.

I have used a simple activity to explore this with children in small groups in a One-Step Removed way. Using a puppet and a range of secrets written on thought bubbles which may feel safe (a surprise party) or unsafe (best friend took a toy from another child's school bag) the children can help the puppet, using their EWS, to sort the secrets into ones which may feel 'safe' and those which feel 'unsafe'.

I wonder if anyone else has more creative/engaging ways of exploring Safe/Unsafe Secrets with children of pre-school/school age, or activities/resources they have used successfully?

judith

Hi Judith,
Such an important area of work with all children. The children are taught pro actively through the curriculum materials I wrote (and used across Warwickshire) what confidentiality means, in addition to the language of safe and unsafe secrets. They have absolutely no difficulty in understanding the importance of this concept and the difference between the two. It is also important to remember that very often to disclose an unsafe secret has meant breaking some unwritten rules, and acknowledging how brave this may have been could be important.
I have secrets posters to supplement this learning which are supplied to schools along with a secrets activity ideas handout. I sugest using the book 'Laura's Star' if they don't know any others in which secrets are talked about. A link to theme to and 'palm people' can be made through that story too as Laura talks to her star.
Happy to let you have the secrets activity - have you got my poster?
Ann